Monthly Archives: April 2014


Love, and a cough, cannot be hid.

— George Herbert

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Men Not To Date

A few men you definitely don’t want to date:

Will, God’s Will
This gem is controlling in the name of religiosity. He swears he isn’t judging, but he criticizes any woman who shows cleavage ever (“I don’t care what women wear, as long as it isn’t tight or shows cleavage, because if that is the case, they wear it for no other reason than to make men fall, whether consciously or no”) and says things like, “I  do not wish to get married to somebody who doesn’t seem to care about their eternal life.” But come on, he’s just trying to lead you towards salvation.

Just-Kidding Joe
He says horrible things in the name of a jest and tries to manipulate you into being okay with it. Or he convinces you that there’s something wrong with you when you react badly to his rape jokes. It’s funny when he threatens to sneak into your house and beat you. What, can’t you take a joke?

Arnold the Atheist
This is every atheistic college philosophizer ever. He strongly believes faith is incompatible with and inferior to reason. Which means he’ll usually try to logic you out of yours. He’s probably not a terrible person, but if you’re operating on such different spiritual wavelengths, it’s a bad idea.

Emotionally-Manipulative Emmett
Emotionally-manipulative’s a bit harsh. Why would you think that of him? He cares so much about you and he’s been trying to put aside his own stress to meet your needs, but apparently you can’t reciprocate enough to trust him. If you really loved him you’d understand.

Dismissive Doug
Like, why are you so serious all the time? You’re so uptight, anybody can see that it’s no big thing. Dudebro tends to show up especially often in conversations about sex, which is so not a big deal and you need to lighten up.

Non-Committal Nick
First warning sign—so many past “relationships”. He can’t count them or even list a concise history. He’s got the lines, the interesting life, the interest in your life…but not the emotional intelligence. Dating? Were we really dating? Oh, my mention of marriage? That was in general. That deep stuff is for later!

Barsanuphius the Super Convert
Dear old Barsy. He’ll be fine in a year, probably, but right now he can’t get through a paragraph without quoting a canon at you. Try not to judge him too hard, but if his convertitis makes you cringe, wait a while before accepting a date. He’s probably a bit busy discerning whether he has a call to monasticism and the priesthood anyway.


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PSA: Also a good idea to read up on early symptoms of abusive and controlling behavior, and to remember that you’re allowed to have standards in general. You don’t have to date Darth Vader just because he asks you to dance.

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Spring Laughter

For this week’s dose of dating hilarity:

Laura’s Grandpa Ray would often quip, “Spring is when a young man’s fancy turns to what the girls have been thinkin’ about all year!”

While the Orthogals have a decent idea of what happens in a woman’s brain, we also appreciated this humorous glimpse into what might be going on in the male brain:

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Words of Wisdom

St. Paul’s Letter to the Philippians 4:4-9

“BRETHREN, rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let all
men know your forbearance. The Lord is at hand. Have no anxiety about
anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which
passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of
praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and
heard and seen in me, do; and the God of peace will be with you.”

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Icons for Guatemala

Christ is Risen!


As we begin Bright Week, we have a request for you. Many of you have likely heard of the growth of the church in Guatemala (about 150,000 people in recent years), and of course there are some needs related to that.
According to Fr. David Rucker, there are over 100 parishes in Guatemala without a single icon. Not only do none of the parishioners have icons in their homes, there are no icons in the churches.

Do you have any icons you can spare? Wooden icons, paper icons, old calendars, even icons cut from catalogues will make a big difference. Because of the climate and humidity everything has to be sealed to protect against damage, and the youth group at Sts Constantine and Elena in Indianapolis has been collecting wooden icons and paper icons to mount and laminate. There is a lot of work and expense involved in that. If you can donate icons, or funds to purchase and laminate and mail the icons, it will make a big difference.

To donate icons or funds, please mail to

Saints Constantine and Elena
3237 W. 16th St
Indianapolis, IN 46222

Please mention the need for icons and donations to your parish and friends. The Paschal season is a good time to be generous, and it’s a good way to celebrate the Resurrection with our brothers and sisters in Guatemala.

For more information on the church in Guatemala, there’s an Ancient Faith podcast (with transcript) of an interview with Fr. Peter Jackson.

Christ is Risen from the dead,
trampling down death by death,
and upon those in the tombs
bestowing Life!

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Christ is Risen!

In the spirit of rejoicing, here are a few of our favorite Paschal things.

Christ is Risen in enough languages to stump your priest [OCA, Steven Bigham]

Lebanese flash mob of “Al Massiah Kam” [Youtube]

Laura’s favorite Protestant Easter hymn by Keith Green [Youtube]

Saint Invites Early, Late, and Unbelievably Tardy to Feast [The Onion Dome]

Parishioners Exhausted After 9 Hour Agape Vespers Service [The Onion Dome]

Also, bacon.

Blessed Pascha, everybody! Christ is Risen!

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Holy Friday


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Holy Thursday

He does not just care for us, but loves us with no limits, a flaring unquenchable holy love, and a truly unbreakable strong love.

— St. John Chrystostom

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Holy Wednesday

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:  “For your sake we face death all day long;  we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-38

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Holy Tuesday

On the Cross, Jesus has a vision of all those for whom He is dying. He foresees each one of us individually, saving us through His death and by His love … He did this to allow God to enter everywhere there is human suffering, even into the abyss of death, accompanying man to the depths of suffering so as to raise him up again and bring him back to life, by lifting him up to heaven and placing him at the right hand of the Father. The Son of God dies as man so that the Son of Man may rise up again as God. The Son of God had to experience the anguish of God’s absence so that all men who die might recover the presence of God: this is salvation.


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